Sunday, September 1, 2013

Knowing What You Want (and the Shopping List of Life)

Ask yourself if what you are doing today is ge...
(Photo credit: deeplifequotes)
by Sam D Holman

Some time ago I did a short survey asking what professional women wanted.

An overwhelming 56% said they simply wanted to be happy.

My follow up question to those women would be - how will you know when you have it?

By all means, if you want to be confident or happy or decisive, make that your goal, but know what that looks like when you have it - what tangible option will that give you when you are confident or happy and can make decisions easily and effortlessly? What do you truly want?

Most people know what they want, but don't acknowledge it, in case they don't get it, so they bury it away so deeply, perhaps afraid of failure, or afraid of success.

Run by their fears, they only notice what they don't have, and compare their lives to others, never even questioning that perhaps what that other person has isn't want they want at all ... the other people just SEEM happy, so perhaps the answer is a flash car like the neighbour has, a smart phone, your own business, marriage or kids!

They generalize on what they want, without being specific enough to give their brain the direction to find it - like getting in a car and driving to someplace warm, without a clue where the sun may be shining or a check on the weather report.

Sometimes you get lucky, and you find the thing you were hoping for but didn't realise it i.e. 'I just fell into the job and now I love it', 'he wasn't my usual type but we were married within a year' type thing.

What if you're not that person? You feel lost and confused about what you really want... you just want to be happy.

You need direction, but just when you think you know what you want you question it, pick at it, unravel the dream until it's just a heaped mess on the floor and you start to look for something else ... all the while, standing still, not reaching for anything obvious, and just hoping that 'it' will happen when the time is right ... whatever 'it' is!

Well your time is now - ask yourself what you really want, take the first answer that pops into your head, trust that your unconscious mind knows, and go for it! Take action, focus in on it, make it bigger, brighter, clearer ... notice what other options having that one thing will give you.

It is up to you to make it as compelling as possible. The more you focus on that picture, that goal, the more you'll start to notice opportunities on how to get it.

Many of the amazing people I work with start in a similar place, a place where they 'just don't know'. I was there too once, and putting a picture to my happiness just felt like an irritation to my brain, like I only had one wish, and what the hell was I going to do with it, to make it the right one!?

But we have many wishes, and if what we go for isn't right, we have many chances to change things.
One of my amazing clients wrote to me about insights she gained whilst working together, and with her permission I would like to share this with you ...

"Got to work and wrote list of things I needed to get done today and realised I could apply more of my work organisation to my life - my life shopping list! Started thinking of it as a trip to the supermarket. When you go to the supermarket without a clear list you often come away having spent more, with items you don't need or don't want and having forgotten the basics you went in for. Going with a list keeps you focused on what is important/essential and you stand a better chance of coming out with what you want and need, and having used your time, money and effort in a more effective way."

Life's Shopping List

• Man aisle
Warm, honest, strong, secure, driven, open, faithful, funny, adventurous

• Job aisle
Sense of purpose, satisfaction, team spirit, pride, usefulness, engagement

• Family aisle
Happy, comfort, fun times, relax, support

• Fitness
Energising, motivation, exhilaration, team spirit

Love it - thanks to my amazing client for letting me share.

So perhaps you need to get clear on what you want, write your life's shopping list and give yourself something to look for, and when you do, work out how you're going to get it!

"It isn't sufficient just to want - you've got to ask yourself what you are going to do to get the things you want" - Franklin D. Roosevelt.

Like this? Follow Sam Holman on Facebook and subscribe to her newsletters to live a wholesome life. Sam is a Master NLP Coach, Careers Adviser and expert finder of metaphorically lost people. For more information go to

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