Thursday, April 11, 2013

6 Habits of Extremely Likable People

by Michael Yardney, Property Update:

Prince Charming (TV film)
Prince Charming (Wikipedia)
About Michael Yardney: Michael is a director of Metropole Property Strategists who create wealth for their clients through independent, unbiased property advice and advocacy. 

He has been voted Australia's leading property investment adviser and his opinions are regularly featured on radio as well as in major newspapers and magazines throughout Australia. Visit 

Have you noticed how some people are more charming. They’re genuine. And they can make an entire room full of people smile.

On the other hand when you meet someone, after, “What do you do?” you’re out of things to say. You suck at small talk, and those first five minutes are tough because you’re a little shy and a little insecure. But you want to make a good impression. recently ran a great article explaining how remarkably likeable people do it. Here’s what they had to say:

1. They lose the power pose

I know: Your parents taught you to stand tall, square your shoulders, stride purposefully forward, drop your voice a couple of registers, and shake hands with a firm grip.

It’s great to display nonverbal self-confidence, but go too far and it seems like you’re trying to establish your importance. That makes the “meeting” seem like it’s more about you than it is the other person - and no one likes that.

Next time you meet someone, relax, step forward, tilt your head towards them slightly, smile, and show that you’re the one who is honored by the introduction - not them. We all like people who like us. If I show you I’m genuinely happy to meet you, you’ll instantly start to like me.

2. They embrace the power of touch

Touch can influence behavior, increase the chances of compliance, make the person doing the touching seem more attractive and friendly. Go easy, of course: Pat the other person lightly on the upper arm or shoulder. Make it casual and nonthreatening.

Try this: The next time you walk up behind a person you know, touch them lightly on the shoulder as you go by. I guarantee you’ll feel like a more genuine greeting was exchanged.

Touch breaks down natural barriers and decreases the real and perceived distance between you and the other person - a key component in liking and in being liked.

3. They whip out their social jiu-jitsu

You meet someone. You talk for 15 minutes. You walk away thinking, “Wow, we just had a great conversation. She is awesome.” Then, when you think about it later, you realize you didn’t learn a thing about the other person.

Remarkably likeable people are masters at Social Jiu-Jitsu, the ancient art of getting you to talk about yourself without you ever knowing it happened. SJJ masters use their interest, their politeness, and their social graces to cast an immediate spell on you. And you like them for it.

Just ask the right questions. Stay open-ended and allow room for description and introspection. Ask how, or why, or who. No one gets too much recognition. Asking the right questions implicitly shows you respect another person’s opinion - and, by extension, the person.

4. They whip out something genuine

Everyone is better than you at something. Let them be better than you. Don’t try to win the “getting to know someone” competition. Try to lose. Be complimentary. Be impressed. Admit a failing or a weakness.

Don’t be afraid to show a little vulnerability. People may be (momentarily) impressed by the artificial, but people sincerely like the genuine. Be the real you. People will like the real you.

5. They ask for nothing

Put away the hard-charging, goal-oriented, always-on kinda persona. If you have to ask for something, find a way to help the other person, then ask if you can. Remarkably likeable people focus on what they can do for you - not for themselves.

6. They “close” genuinely

“Nice to meet you,” you say, nodding once as you part. That’s the standard move, one that is instantly forgettable.

Instead go back to the beginning. Shake hands again. Use your free hand to gently touch the other person’s forearm or shoulder. Say, “I am really glad I met you.” Or say, “You know, I really enjoyed talking with you.”

Smile: Not that insincere salesperson smile that goes with, “Have a nice day!” but a genuine, appreciative smile. Making a great first impression is important, but so is making a great last impression. When you help people feel a little better about themselves they’ll like you for it. And you’ll like yourself a little more, too.

Read the full article at
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  1. Hi there,

    I like these tips but I wonder if "2" could get you into some tricky territory. Some people have a real problem with being touched by people they do not know well - they see it as a violation of their personal space. It not something that bothers me particularly, but recognising that it is a problem for certain people, I tend to hold back as I do not want to offend by transgressing a boundary. But maybe I err too much the other way?

    I'd be interested in other people's experiences here.

    1. Hi Regan,

      Thanks very much for your comments. I must say that I felt the same when I read the article as well. Another closely related issue is that, in my opinion, given the gender power imbalance in society, that is inappropriate for a man to touch a woman unless they know them very well.

      I think that most men don't realise that many women live in fear of men - we should have a society where there is simply not tolerated. But we are a long way from that.

      Again, thanks for your comments.