by The Onion: http://www.theonion.com/articles/corporate-wellness-programs,38436/


Following in the footsteps of Google’s new employee meditation program, companies across the country are introducing more wellness initiatives aimed at keeping health care costs down and boosting worker productivity.

Here’s how companies are incentivizing health and wellness in their workforce:
  • Apple: Employees given multiple opportunities throughout the day to bask in self-satisfaction
  • Walgreens: Empowers employees to make own health decisions by giving them prescription pads
  • Toys “R” Us: Free needle exchange
  • RadioShack: Company-wide initiative launched late last year to relieve employees of the stress associated with steady employment
  • Petco: All full-time hires entitled to complimentary therapy rat
  • Philip Morris: More expansive health coverage available to employees who quit smoking, provided they get someone else hooked
  • Subway: Do a chin-up, get a meatball
  • Kmart: New mindfulness training teaches workers to periodically close their eyes, clear their thoughts, and imagine what having adequate health care must feel like