Friday, July 17, 2015

Staplers to be Made Illegal

Finally, an end to 'lock and load'by News Biscuit: http://www.newsbiscuit.com/2015/07/16/staplers-to-be-made-illegal/

Thousands of office workers today had to make the choice between flushing their staplers down the toilet or facing the wrath of the police, as it was announced that the Government has made the possession of a stapler a criminal offence.

Speaking to the press earlier, Prime Minister David Cameron said ‘Staples are sharp, dangerous, and highly addictive. A staple-user is not only a menace to himself, but also to society. Before long a user will find himself sleeping in the gutter, cackling madly to the pigeons as he staples sodden Metros to leaflets about the salvation of Jehovah.’

Dozens of offices have already been raided, with numerous arrests being made.

The public remains strongly divided on the issue. Fifty year old retiree, Penny Braintree from Milton Keynes, commented: ‘Personally I don’t have a problem with using staples, but some people might argue they’re gateway stationery which can lead to the use of much harder stuff, like hole punches, post-it notes and highlighter pens.’

Twenty four year old Mark Fish from Clapham was much more scathing: ‘Me and my mates used to just staple stuff for a bit of fun. We’d go round Craig’s house, listen to some dub and pass a stapler round, attaching various documents to other documents. I enjoy the mild satisfaction of seeing the pages click together, it doesn’t hurt anybody, and we’re not going to be stopped by the law.’

Nineteen year old Wayne Bridge said; ‘I tried it once but to be honest I prefer ring binders.’

Alexispn

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