Monday, August 6, 2012

The "Yeah But's"

Yeah ... But! (Photo credit: Lord Biro)
by Deborah J Bernacchia

Being vulnerable is one of the toughest parts of the human experience. Whether its ridicule or physical harm that we risk, it is never easy.

But what are our options if we never want to be in that position? We never take risks. We protect ourselves from all harm, thereby protecting ourselves from life.

In other words, we live a very sterile, risk free life. And then we wonder why its no fun.

Exposing the real me has always been difficult for me to do, especially since I suffer from the "yeah buts."

Whenever I try to tell myself that I'm doing OK my devious mind counters with a negative.

For example, if I try to feel good about my being a single mother and a homeowner, my mind will say "Yeah, but what about that $1500.00 credit card balance you owe?" Or if I've spent the morning cleaning the house and want to feel the satisfaction of a job well done, I'll hear " Yeah but what about the cob webs down in the cellar?"

This voice makes it hard to risk opening myself up and putting my cob webs on display, but whenever I can rise above that voice I'm always delighted by the response.

The higher the risk the higher the payoff. We all have secrets about ourselves that we prefer the world not know, but it is in exposing ourselves that we heal. Magic happens in our willingness to become vulnerable. By doing so, you unlock the door for others to expose their weaknesses and insecurities or mistakes.

We all have them. But we motor through life putting so much effort into pretending we don't that we fail to realize that others are pretending also. I have spent much of my life pretending I've got it all going on that I'm really good at it. But there's no joy in pretending for me. If anything, I feel like a doll with a smile painted on her face.

Joy has found its way to me only through making myself vulnerable,by risking defeat or mistakes or ridicule. Standing up for what I believe in, even when it far removed from what the "mainstream" think.

Are you scared? Say so! Feeling like your undeserving? Say the words out loud- so you can see how little sense it makes! Have a secret dream to parachute out of a plane? Tell someone!

The world needs you to be real as much as you do, for we 'great pretenders' need your reminder of what we really want. We all forget from time to time which is why the ones who "get it" need to share with those of us who've forgotten. We take turns at remembering and forgetting so today's teachers will be tomorrow's students.

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