Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Creating Change: Letting Go of Unfinished Business

Cover of "Are You Ready For Success?"Cover of Are You Ready For Success?By Lori Bell

Unfinished business can be a major obstacle to moving forward and achieving your dream life. Sometimes, though, in order to move forward we need to stop and take stock of our feelings and thinking from earlier life experiences.

Sometimes those earlier thoughts and feelings get in the way of living our lives today. Most often, the thoughts and feelings that get in the way of reaching our hopes and dreams revolve around fear, feelings of guilt, being hurt by someone, or hurting someone else. Think of all of the relationships that you have now or have had in your life- parents, friends, teachers, bosses, coworkers, children, significant others.

In looking at these relationships, are there any that were particularly troubling? Were you bullied by anyone at school, by chance? If so, do you still harbor bad feelings towards that person? Did you have a professor in school that made your life miserable, flunked you and said you would "never make it in this field" When you think of that teacher do you wish them ill will? What about a former boyfriend or girlfriend. Did someone ditch you via text after a three-year relationship?

Or, what about your parents - were they there for you when you needed them or were they always belittling you and saying "I told you so?" Do your worry that the direction you might want to move in, or won't be the best direction for someone else? For example, you decline a job offer because it's not in the same city where your parents or girlfriend live?

Believe it or not, these relationships and the thoughts and feelings that go hand in hand with them, can take a huge toll on your life even if they have not been relevant relationships in years. We build a lot of beliefs and assumptions based on our relationships, many of which are false and often sound something like the following:

• I am stupid
• I am not loveable
• I am not worthy
• I am a failure
• I am weak
• I will let someone down.

When we run head-on into these assumptions or false beliefs we can learn to stop, recognize them for what they are worth, and challenge them with new beliefs. It is when we don't recognize our faulty sets of beliefs that things become a bit more difficult. Faulty beliefs can prevent us from trying new things, taking risks and succeeding, and from growing as a person in general.

What do you do if you think that unfinished business and faulty beliefs are blocking your journey to happiness and success?

1) Look out for feelings that bring you down. Ask "Where are these feelings coming from? What are they all about? Why am I experiencing them now?" Just the recognition of the feelings and emotion are sometimes enough to get beyond them. Write about your feelings in a journal, or find a way to talk to a trusted friend about them.

2) Ask yourself some questions: Are these thoughts and beliefs true? What beliefs can I replace them with? What experiences do I want to have? Will these old assumptions allow me to have the experiences that I want?

3) Forgive yourself. No one is perfect - we all know that. Yet, somehow, we expect perfection of ourselves. Instead, learn to know when good enough is sufficient, and when perfection really is needed.

4) The biggest thing probably is to learn to forgive the person who left you with these thoughts so that you can move on. To continually drudge up what step-mother said and did to you in second grade probably isn't going to help you get to your goal. You need to forgive and move on so that you can put your focus on what really matters.

Lori Bell is founder of Creating Powerful Change, LLC and creator of http://www.help-me-change.com which offers tips, tools, and techniques for implementing successful change in to your life. As your Personal Change Agent, Lori will provide you with an easy to follow step by step process that allows you to tap into your hidden potential, to grow personally and professionally, and to create a life that finally feels right and works great for you! To receive other free articles and the no cost product- "Are You Ready for Success?" visit http://www.help-me-change.com now.

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